Monthly Mind Ritual
How to Unclog Your Brain
It’s the first Monday of the month again and your brain is still full of weekend residue, like glitter in a carpet but messier.
You try to think and all you can hear is a bunch of white noise and static. You reach for your thoughts but it’s like trying to catch smoke with a net.
Fear not mentalist! The ancient sages of brain fog and a few hyper active wizards have passed down a ritual for mentalists and mere mortals alike… It’s called:
THE MENTAL PLUNGE:
Let’s unclog your brain before the week eats you alive!
Phase One:
The Brain Dump Scroll
Props needed: One sheet of paper, your favourite pen and a willingness to purge your mind.
Grab a blank page and title it:
MIND JUNK: HANDLE WITH CAUTION!
Now set a timer for 3 minutes and write down everything clouding your mind… I mean EVERYTHING:
Did I feed the ghost in the attic?
Reply to that email from the guy with the weird eyebrows.
Idea: mind reading trick with belly button fluff???
I Must defeat Greg in the council of Psychic Dominance.
It doesn’t need to make sense.
This isn’t a novel… It’s a psychic exorcism.
When the timer beeps. Stop and fold the page up.
Whisper: I release you, mental swamp.
Optional: Burn it (safely).
Benefits:
Clears out the mental clutter so real thoughts can come through. Like squeegeeing a condensated mirror in your mind palace.
Phase Two:
The Triple Breath Snapback
Props needed: Lungs, preferably your own!
You’ve just mentally defragged onto a page, congrats.
Now let’s plug you back in.
This is the Triple Breath Snapback:
Inhale slowly for 4 seconds. Visualise pulling clean light into your brain like a vacuum for positivity.
Hold it for 7 seconds. Imagine the brain gunk trembling in fear.
Exhale for 8 seconds. Release every mental goblin that’s screaming:
I’M BEHIND ON EVERYTHING!
Repeat 3 times… Bonus points if you can do it in horse stance.
Benefits:
Resets your nervous system, brings focus and lowers the volume of the internal circus.
Phase Three:
The Single Task Focus Spell
Props needed: One task… Just one.
Your brain is unclogged but if you don’t channel it, it’ll just regunk itself with Instagram, emails and imaginary arguments.
Choose one task, not five or three. One!
Write it on a post it note like it’s a divine mission. Then set a timer for 15 minutes and do it with intensity. No music, no phone. Just you and your task, like a mentalist and their billet.
You’re not just being productive, you’re building cognitive dominance.
Benefits:
Prevents scatterbrain, builds momentum and summons your inner mind warrior.
Bonus Ritual:
Clarity Tonic (Mentalist Edition)
No ritual is complete without a sacred potion.
Mix the following into a glass:
Warm water (1 cup)
Squeeze of lemon
Pinch of sea salt
Teaspoon of apple cider vinegar
Say the following in an Oracle like fashion:
I drink to the mysteries of mental clarity.
Now sip it like a mortgage free shaman.
Benefits:
Hydration + minerals = better brain function.
Plus, it feels like you’re drinking a secret elixir, this alone makes you totally BADASS!
Fragmented Thoughts
By now, the fog has lifted. You’ve dumped the mental clutter, breathed your brain back into life, completed a focused task and sipped the sacred juice.
This isn’t just a monthly ritual, it’s a psychic flossing routine.
A reset for your mind reader soul.
Perform this whenever your brain gets ideas of grandeur.
Make it sacred, make it weird, make it yours and remember:
A clogged mind performs tricks, an unclogged mind performs miracles. Welcome to your clearest Monday yet.
Stay Weird
ЯYΛП MΣПƬIƧ
International Man of Mischief