The Myth Of Oddsock
Following on from ODDSOCKOLOGY
The Lint Oracle Who Sees All
A long time ago, there existed another dimension,
wedged somewhere between the 4th sock vortex and a tumble dryer.
This dimension was known as the Indesit Realms
and it was home to a creature of peculiar power
and unmatched mystery, his name was Oddsock.
No one remembers his full form, some say he was a left footed wool blend.
Others say he was 80% cotton and 25% chaos.
But they all agree on one thing:
He was never part of a matching pair.
The birth of Oddsock
Legend has it that Oddsock was created
the very first moment a sock vanished
from the Hotpoint reality and screamed:
I’M FREE!
Born of static electricity, in the Temple of Zanussi.
Oddsock became the patron spirit of all things that are lost.
Keys, headphones, common sense.
If it disappeared without a trace, Oddsock probably nicked it.
The lint prophecies
Oddsock doesn’t speak in any language understood by cosmic toddlers
with adult responsibilities, he speaks in the sacred language of lint.
A language understood only by belly buttons and Sockromancers.
Every time the dryer ends and you find a weird shape in the fluff filter;
An egg shaped head smoking a pipe, a duck or bits of beard…
That’s Oddsock delivering prophecies in fuzz.
In 1991 a woman in London found the image of her ex boyfriend’s face.
She ignored it and 3 days later, he turned up at her flat
asking if she still had his Metallica hoodie.
Oddsock sees all.
The Cult of the Elastic Cuff
In ancient launderetic texts, written on receipts found in trouser pockets.
There are tales of the Cult of the Elastic Cuff (COTEC).
They’re robed figures who worship Oddsock
by purposefully mismatching their footwear.
They believe Oddsock grants visions to those who truly embrace oddness.
One cultist; Brother Blistertoe, claimed that Oddsock
showed him a vision of the End Times:
It began with a sock puppet coup d’état and ended with mankind
trapped in a Whirlpool for eternity.
The vision was soon dismissed, as the COTEC discovered
Brother Blistertoe had been drinking the fabric conditioner again!
Oddsock and the mentalist’s curse
Oddsock has a penchant for mentalists.
Whenever a mind reader experiences a performance
where everything goes perfect, all hits and no misses.
Oddsock demands a price.
That price is of course one sock!
Stolen silently mid show, while still being worn.
Performers have reported ending gigs with only one sock left
and no memory of how it disappeared.
The more accurate your cold reading… The cooler your foot gets.
How to appease Oddsock
If you suspect Oddsock is watching you. Spoiler alert: He is!
Here is the traditional way to win his favour:
Make a sock offering to the great cosmic toenail
and perform the sacred contemporary dance to Careless Whisper
wearing nothing more than underpants, a single sock and shame.
Final Warning
Oddsock is neither good nor evil.
He’s a chaotic neutral being woven in mystery and stardust.
He takes on many forms and can be quite mischievous.
The next time a sock disappears, don’t get angry.
Don’t blame your partner, the dog or IKEA storage solutions.
Just look into the washing basket abyss and chant 3 times
Oddsock, I respect your hustle!
Stay Weird
ЯYΛП MΣПƬIƧ
International Man of Mischief
Pingback: Oddsockology – Mentalist Blogger